This was my first ever post, lo these many years ago. OK, it was just two, but it seems longer than that. It was funny, and didn't get as many eyeballs on it as it deserved. Without further ado, I present...
Every year it seems I fail at Christmas. I always get the wrong gift; apparently you shouldn't give a pocket knife to a four year old. Or I get accused of being selfish. I honestly thought my wife would like a case of Natural Light (she sometimes has one of mine). But this year I am going to think this through and get my family gifts they will really like.
First the kids. I can never tell what they are going to like. How was I supposed to know that fourth graders don't like Bob the Builder? Or that wearing a Dora sweater would get my son teased mercilessly? What I decided to do this year was to collect the toys that my children left lying around. Throughout the whole year I collected a boxful of toys, which I will wrap up and give to the kids on Christmas morning. I even used some duct tape to repair some of them. How can I lose? I give them toys I already know they like, and they get back their favorite stuff that they thought they had lost. That's a win-win.
Now my wife hardly ever loses her stuff, so I am going to have to come up with original ideas for her. Maybe a mounted deer head will have to wait. Now first off, I know she hates vacuuming. So I will get her a new vacuum and make her life easier. That's good, but any one can use the vacuum (theoretically). I need to get her something that is just for her. Well... lingerie is just for her. I'll go down to that old Fredericks of Hollywood store and get her something SEXY. Yeah, she'll like that. But she's kinda self conscious about her figure, so I'll get her an AB Roller too. Man, I can't wait to see her face.