I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

How Not To Appear To Be A Psycho Killer.

Don't let this be you.
"A local man was arrested for suspicion of attempted murder, after trying to break into area house, with a duffel bag full of deadly weapons. Police responded after the homeowners called police. The suspect was described as a dangerous looking man with facial tattoos who constantly listened to Death Metal and gave the neighbors menacing looks. The victims had recently installed an alarm system after being told by the suspect that 'I am going to kill you, and eat your face.'"
     If you had attended my class, this could have read: Local family is murdered gruesomely and police are at a loss. Police have canvased the neighborhood but there are no suspects at this time.
     That's right! The, I Never Suspected A Thing, He Was So Quiet And Kept To Himself School. Featuring such classes as: White panel vans draw attention, Pentagrams on the front lawn are a no-no, People remember scary looking people with facial tattoos skulking around, and more.
     After you attend our class you will be able to ride the bus without staring hollowly at the passengers and muttering under your breath about "slaughtering the sheep", instead you will be able to sit quietly and stare vacantly out the window, drawing no suspicion.
     You will learn that the best place for your private room filled with your detailed drawings, newspaper clippings, and magazine pictures with the eyes cut out is not in the living room, but perhaps a back room or a basement. And these are just a few of the tips you will learn.
     Yes, for only an arm and a leg, you can attend classes at our secluded campus, and learn how to blend in with the disgusting meat bags, and one day maybe they'll say, "I never suspected a thing, he was so quiet and kept to himself", about you!