My inventions all suck.
My time machine failed. I mean it took me back in time, but I ignored myself and still looked ridiculous in my wedding pictures.
I was always worried that people would know when I was on vacation, so I built a robot that would turn on the lights and watch TV and whatnot. Instead, the damn thing got all introspective and spent it's time pondering the meaning of existence, writing poetry and theorizing if it had a soul or not. Worthless machine.
Lastly, I was tired of drinking warm beer while tailgating. So I built a portable cooler powered by cold fusion, that would never run out of energy. It worked, but my team sucks and I stopped going to the games. Now, I just use it to store my recycling in.
I am such a loser. I can't do anything right.
