Just Because I Don't Do What You Want, Is No Reason To Fire Me.

This is BS! First of all my boss fires me for some stupid made-up reasons, and now the unemployment office won't give me benefits because they claim the firing was justified. They must be in cahoots. It's probably some vast multi-wing conspiracy to keep me down. I had a meeting with my case worker and they totally took my old bosses side.

   I told the lady that one of the reasons my boss gave for firing me was that my uniform didn't conform to standards. How ridiculous is that? But, she claims that not wearing pants is unacceptable. Whatever. It only happened a handful of times.
   My boss said that one of the reasons he let me go was my comment in the employee suggestion box. I thought that the box was sacrosanct. All I asked is if they had considered, in the most theoretical way possible, maybe, killing some of our more troublesome clients. I was just kind of brainstorming cost cutting ideas. And now I'm being punished for that? Geez.

   My boss was upset that I took a lunch break. Well, he claims that he is upset that I showed up drunk for my afternoon appointments. Oh really? What is beer made out of? Grain and water. I was just getting sustenance, and that's no reason to fire somebody.
   I was not aware of the companies policy on not taking on side work. Everybody does it, that's how people make a little extra money to make ends meet. But all the sudden it's a federal crime to run an after hours underground fight club / speakeasy out of our company office? That seems a little nit-picky.

  
   They had equally nebulous excuses for denying the rest of my claims of unlawful firing. They turned trying to keep warm, into arson. Discussing politics, became assault and battery. Artwork appreciation, is all of a sudden, felony theft. They twisted everything I did, into me failing to meet their unreasonable expectations for employment.
   That's why this country is in the state it's in; because an honest, hard-working, God fearing, white guy gets fired for no reason at all.

When Is A Party Not A Party?

Yesterday morning my wife told me we had "Spring Fest" that night. Woohoo! Party! It's been years since we went to an honest to goodness hootenanny, a good old fashioned pub crawl. I tried to remember when the last time I saw my beer helmet or my toga. The kids had used the beer helmet to catch and store tadpoles, and I'm sure my toga just cleaned the toilet last week. It's time to innovate. I will use duct tape and attach a couple of beers to my hard hat and press the kids unused Spongebob sheets into service as my new party toga.

   I show up at "Spring Fest" at the appointed time and it appears that I am the only one drinking so far. That's not unusual, I often start drinking before any one else; what is unusual, is the number of children present. It's really tacky to allow children to an event where people are partying. I say as much to a severe looking woman standing next to me, as I hand her a beer.

   She tells me, "This isn't a pubcrawl. This is the school fundraiser. YOU are the only one drinking. And I suppose this explains a thing or two. I am your oldest child's teacher, Mrs. Lyodda"

   "Hmmh. My bad. And just because I made a mistake and showed up to a school event in a toga, you can't make a snap judgement about what kind of father I am."

   "It's true, every one makes mistakes. But, this is the third year in a row."

   "So does that mean you aren't going to have that beer with me, 'cause I want it back if you don't want it."

   "I'm going to call the cops."

   "Don't do that. I'm sure they have more important things to do than to drink with me."

   "Tell you what, get rid of the beers and the toga, and we won't have to kick you out."

   So, I got rid of my beers and my toga, just like she asked. And was she happy?! No. She started screaming about how I couldn't walk around drunk in my underwear. Man you just can't please some people.