I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Euphemisms and Subtle Boobs.

So the other day, I took the youth pastor from my church out to lunch. I'm not a youth; but I own several. I pulled into a restaurant some of the guys at work had been talking about.
He said, "I can't go here, you idiot." (Must be his nickname for me.)
"Why not?"
"Because this is Hooters; you moron."
"Aah", I said, "and you hate owls."
"No, the waitresses".
"You hate the waitresses? That's not very Christian."
"No, stupid. The girls that work here, dress in tight little running shorts and T-Shirts, and they generally have... well, you know, breasts."
"Don't all waitresses have breasts?"
"I'm sure they do, but all restaurants aren't named after them."
"Hooters, don't you get it? Hooters is a euphemism for boobs." He explained, "The women at this restaurant, draw attention to their... assets. How can you be this dumb?"
"I don't know. Why don't they call it Boobs? I wouldn't go to a restaurant called Boobs."
"Nobody would eat at a restaurant called Boobs. That's why they give them subtle names."
     So, I took him to another reaturant I had heard about.
"You heard about this one from the guys at work, didn't you?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Because you brought me to Twin Peaks."
"Yeah, and?"
"You are mind numbingly stupid. This is the same kind of place."
"They wear running shorts here too?"
"Gah! No, it's a pin-up girl theme. Or so I've heard. Don't even ask about The Library or TD's."
"Hmmh, that's good to know. So... is a Big Mac a euphemism for large scottish, uh, thingies?"
"No. And you're a pinhead." (Probably has to do with that eye of the needle story, right?)
"You want a Big Mac then?"
"Just take me back to work."
     Later, when I was having a Big Mac by myself, I thought; So the thing is, you don't want to be too obvious. Maybe I should apply what I now know about subtlety and euphemism, and open a restaurant myself. I will combine two of the things I love: Monty Python and Mexican Food and S-E-X-Y. (I will combine three things of the things I love.) At my restaurant we will also have alluring waitresses. Except at my place, only about a quarter of them will be women, the others will be really butch men in drag. And, we will serve Spam. Lots of spam; Spam burritos, Spam tacos, Spam enchiladas with a side of Spam. Menu is set; now what shall I call my place? How about,  'Huge Tracts of... Land', 'Naughty Bits', 'Bad, Bad Naughty Zoot', or maybe, 'Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge'? Nah, I don't know if those are subtle enough; I'll call it 'The Cheese Shop."