I think the reason that I don't have more friends, is that people these days are just too sensitive. For instance the other day we had a couple from church over to the house, and they ended up leaving in a huff over practically nothing.
This couple was supposed come over this week and my wife forgot to remind me; I mean she claims to have written it on the calendar, and have texted me during the day, and put a note in my lunch, and tied a string around my finger, but I mean really?! If she really wanted me to remember she could have written it on my hand... hey, look at that. So I came straight home after work, and by straight home I mean, I played 9 holes of disc golf, went to the local watering hole, and then to the bookstore to peruse the latest comic books. By the time I got home, I had 25 voice mails and 5 minutes to get ready for our guests. So I grabbed a beer and jumped into the shower. After what I estimated to be 3 or 4 minutes I got out of the shower and went into the kitchen. "Hey hon", I called "I forgot to take clothes into the bathroom, and when is that stuffed shirt and his clown-like wife supposed to show up?"
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| If he does it, it's art. |
And that's when I learned several things, apparently they had been there for twenty minutes, DaVinci's David is a masterpiece, but somehow naked Flip is an abomination, and our new "friends" don't have much of a sense of humor. Everyone started screaming; the husband was yelling at me to put on pants, the wife was screeching about how her make-up was subdued, my wife was yelling how I was a complete embarrassment, and I was yelling about how it would be nice if I never had to wear pants... and could somebody get me a beer. But I would like to have some friends, they have a pool and the summers get hot, so I apologized. Totally sincerely and everything. But did they forgive me like christian friends should? NO, they just huffed out, saying how they've never been so humiliated. And I swear they just kept going on and on about the whole would you please put some pants on thing. Jeez, give it a rest, already.
So there is two more people I don't want to be friends with. Maybe I just have bad friend-ar, (like gaydar, but different), I always pick bad friends. They never have a sense of humor, or they won't answer their phones at 3am, (somebody told me that was the true test of friendship), or they have an unnatural attachment to their "priceless" Ming vases, or they complain about how they always have to pick up the check, or they have that weird hangup about how I should wear pants, or they are intimidated by my obviously superior intelligentsia. Maybe I am just destined to not have friends. Oh well, at least I have my wife... Hey, where is she going?
So there is two more people I don't want to be friends with. Maybe I just have bad friend-ar, (like gaydar, but different), I always pick bad friends. They never have a sense of humor, or they won't answer their phones at 3am, (somebody told me that was the true test of friendship), or they have an unnatural attachment to their "priceless" Ming vases, or they complain about how they always have to pick up the check, or they have that weird hangup about how I should wear pants, or they are intimidated by my obviously superior intelligentsia. Maybe I am just destined to not have friends. Oh well, at least I have my wife... Hey, where is she going?
