When Getting A Tattoo, One Shouldn't Be Vague.

Dude, you are the worst tattoo studio ever! This is the worst tattoo ever! I can't believe you did this to me. How do you even stay open? I am going to kick your butt. I want my money back, and I want you to fix it. Oh man, can you fix it? Is there something you can do? Dude, you got to stinking do something, man!
     What the heck man?! I can't believe you tattooed this on my chest. What a pile of crap. Dude, I lifeguard in the summer at the Y. Dang, dude! My life is over. I'm gonna have to flippin kill myself, and then I'm gonna have to kill you.
     I said I wanted a tattoo that said I was a sexy beast. Something that was dangerous. Something that told the ladies that I was an animal. Like a bear, lion, wolf or even a killer whale, but sexy. Not a tattoo of all of them, along with those... those darn words. Ah dude, I'm never gonna get a date again. Why, dude? Why?

    

Don't Get Your Advertising At This Place.

Complaints? OK, let me see. Well, first off, I take ultimate responsibility for this entire debacle. I should have known that leaving my marketing and advertising to a guy with a piercing through his forehead, and a tattoo of Darth Vader dueling a Care Bear on his face, was a mistake. But the price was right and I thought that at least you would be creative, and could tap into that cool downtown vibe. That being said; are you brain damaged?! The marketing ideas you brought to me are possibly the worst ideas that have ever been put to paper. Your company should be called Moronic Heart, not Neuronic Heart, (what the hell does that even mean?!) I just was looking for some ideas to get the word out about my new Tapa's Bar to the local populace and you came up with the following gems.

My kindergartner could have come up with this, but at least not it's not offensive. Sadly the best of the lot.

Are you comparing my business to a prostitute from Good Morning Vietnam?
I know this might be a difficult distinction for you but restaurant not whorehouse.

Ah, keeping with the card suit theme, clever. EXCEPT it's not! Not only do we not screw our customers,
we also don't hit them. Preemptively; spading my customers isn't funny either.

No, no, no. We never kill people. Never. Ever. Ever.

I'm no marketing genius, but I am pretty sure that listing rat poison in the tagline of your restaurant is a bad strategy. Even if we don't have rat poison in our food. And never have.

I have a family owned business. My wife and daughters work here. We are not Hooter's,
I am not going to sexually exploit our waitresses, (or our waiters, for that matter.)

In closing, give me my money back, you freaking MORON. On a related note; If I ever see you in my restaurant, I will break one of my rules and barely kill you... possibly, with a club. And I will heart it.