I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Monday, January 30, 2012

A List Of Things That Make Me Feel Stupid.

The Sound and the Fury, by William Faulkner  Wait. What?! Caddy got married?! And then divorced? Did you read the same book I did?

Quantum Mechanics. What do you mean, time isn't constant?

Advanced Theological Principals. Do I have free will, or was I predestined to question predestination?

Sudoku. Screw this, I'm just gonna use zero. And some imaginary numbers. 

Oxford Philosophy Debates. Is that even a word? I might understand what you're saying, if I could understand what you're saying. 

Jazz. You mean, it's supposed to sound like that?

Taking A Journeyman Plumber Test. How many times am I allowed to fail this thing?

Reading Shakespeare. He must be talking about eating. No? Then, I don't have a clue. Sex? Really? 

Chess. Checkmate? Again? You just learned today? And you're seven? Give me back my horsey.

Buying A Car. Can't you just take the undercoating off? Your manager is gonna cut me a deal?

An Art Critic Describe A Jackson Pollack Painting. You mean, it's supposed to look like that?

Radiohead. You mean, they're supposed to sound like that?

Women. What?! You said you were fine. And that you didn't want to talk about it.

Crossword Puzzles. Does anyone really know how to spell the word for an ceremonial ancient Egyptian drinking vessel?

Geometry. I don't think you gave me enough information. Pi-R-Squared? What kind of pie?

That Part In Les Miserables Where Victor Hugo Went On A Political Diatribe. Eyes glazed over.

The Impressionists. I know opiates and dangerous amounts of heavy metals are bad for you. But still...

Long Division. Can't I just use a calculator? This is like, hard. And taking forever.

Punctuation. People, are beginning to talk. Im really bad at punctuat-ing. Maybe; I should get a book?

Henry Kissinger Discussing Cold War Foreign Policy. Selling guns to Panama stops socialism in Kenya?

Dennis Miller. I'm pretty sure he was a French existentialist philosopher. But why is that funny?

Multiplication. Which one is the multiplication symbol? Is it the dot or the x or the *? All of them?

Foreign Languages. What? I can't understand you. I said, WHAT? W-W-H-A-A-A-T-T?! It's like we're not even speaking the same language.

Scrabble. Get out of town!  I can't use Texas, but you can spell a letter? You can't spell a letter.

High School Teachers Discussing Moby Dick. It's not just a story about a whale?

Addition. Adding is easier in the summer. Sometimes those extra 12 toes help.

Tic-Tac-Toe. I think this game is rigged. My five year old always wins. 

Walking While Chewing Gum.  If I think about walking my gum falls out, if I think about my gum I end up in traffic.

Breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In. In. In. (gasp) Dammit. Out. In. Out. Out. Out. (getting dizzy) In. Phew, that was a close one.