I consolidated the stories about Fred.

HILL BLOCKS VIEW IS DEAD.

...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Friday, June 6, 2014

The Transformer Least Likely To Get A Movie.

Oh my God. We're being attacked by giant alien robots. What should I do?

Have no fear, human earthling, Señor Toast is here. A heroic Autobot.
WHA?! A robot? In my kitchen? 
Yes. It is me. A robot. And I am in you're kitchen.
What are you doing here?
I have come to fight evil. That's what Autobots do.
Great. But, where did you come from?
I was disguised in plain sight in the garage. That's what Autobots do.
There's only a bunch of boxes in the garage, but OK. Go do something heroic.
I will…
Well?
What do you think I should do?
Go out there and fight them with your lasers and blasters. 
Uhhh. I don't exactly have lasers or blasters. 
What?!
I never passed the lasers and blasters qualification course. 
OK… Well how about you transform into your alternate form.
Oh, that's a great idea. Thank you.
BEEP. SWISHK. SHHHOOP. CLICK. BIFFFFT. SSSIIIIIK.
There.
You're a toaster?! What good is that? What are you going to distract them with a full breakfast?
No.
Are you going to attempt to electrocute them?
No.
Are you some kind of death toaster?
No. 
So you're just a plain old ordinary toaster?
I wish.
But your box says you're a toaster.
The form you see, IS my alternate form. 
YOU'RE A BOX?!
Yes human.
Can I get inside to hide from the evil space robots?
No. There isn't any room.
So... you transform from a lame, useless robot into a plain ordinary cardboard box?
Yes. I must seem a technological wonder to your human brain.
My human brain thinks you suck.