I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Monday, March 21, 2011

Cobra Kai Awana Team Sweeps Awana Olympics.

Today, Cobra Kai Awana, devastated other local Awana groups and took top honors at the Awana Olympics. It was a dominating victory in nearly all the categories. Early in the day, Cobra Kai won the Awana games in an awe inspiring manner. They set records in every event and embarrassed the competition to the point that many of the other groups are thinking of disbanding. “I'm going to convert to Judaism”, said little Carlos Ray, after his Hoffmantown Baptist Awana came in distant second in the cone relay. When asked his response to the criticism of his Awana groups unnecessarily hyper-competitive spirit, Daron Geisler, the Cobra Kai Awana Leader said, “Hey, it's a competitive world. Only a 144,000 of us are getting into heaven. This is a great way to teach that 'winners win, and losers whine'”. When told that was something that only the Jehovah's Witness's believed, Daron screamed, “Oh yeah?! Well guess what? You're a loser, just like Satan... and those other Awana groups.”
     Cobra Kai Awana went on to take all categories in the sword drills. The home-schoolers from Cobra Kai knew where every verse that the questioners requested, was located. They also gave the verses before and after, as well as the version and the historical context. Ending each recitation with, “Thus sayeth the Lord. Amen. How's that taste?!”, while pointing at the rival Awana groups. The kids from the other Awana groups were so nervous after this taunting, that many of them threw up and then passed out. (Although it might be noted, many of them have this same reaction to secular cartoons, sugared cereal and the teacup ride at the state fair.)
      In the afternoon, the Cobra Kai group then completed their victory in a way, that most people at the games thought, crossed the line. In the teen section of the Bible knowledge, Baxter Jones from Eastern Hills Southern Reformed Baptist Light Of God Second Convention Westside Branch Church was holding his own against the pride of Cobra Kai Awana, little John Matusak. They recited verse after verse, each one praying to God that the other would be unable to recall some minor prophet and his warnings about field gleaning. They grew visibly weaker until at last, during a water break, Mr. Geisler advised Johnny to “sweep the leg.” Little Johnny protested, but ultimately did as he was told. Finishing off Baxter with a vicious round round house kick to the knee and a resounding recitation of Psalms 44:5; “Through You we will push down our enemies; through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us.” Baxter was unable to continue, and conceded the match to young Matusak, giving Cobra Kai the blowout.
*Resemblance to any Aaron Geisler living or dead is purely imagined.