I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I Wouldn't Change Much.

If I ever unexpectedly became rich, by way of winning the lottery or becoming a world famous author or inadvertently robbing a bank or two, I don't think I would change much. I would just travel more. Yes, I am pretty content with my life. I would just like to see some of the world I haven't seen.

   And I would like to see those parts of the world without having to commune with the dregs of humanity. I would fly in a private jet and have a ridiculously large yacht, but other than that, I would pretty much stay the same.
   And I would upgrade my house a little. I don't have nearly enough indoor bowling lanes in my current house. And I would need a heliport for my new helicopter. And a flatscreen TV so big that it would make me puke. And a moat. And a gold plated toilet. But that's pretty much it.
   And it's high time I start referring to myself in the third person. As in, "Flip is going to go for a drive in Flip's Bugatti Veyron Super Sports and then Flip is going to take Flip on a Flip movie date, and then Flip is going out for ice cream because, gosh darn it,  Flip deserves it." But Flip would still be the same old Flip, Flip always was.

   And  I would wear clothes made from silk and gold, weaved together. And shoes made from the leather of baby seals. And all the famous designers would make me fancy shirts and jackets and underwear... but not pants. Because I would force congress to pass legislation outlawing pants. (Damn you, pants.) But again, I wouldn't really change much.
   And after watching Downton Abbey it is clear to me that I don't have enough staff. I need maids and butlers and valets and snobby bossy... British people. I need people to help me get stuff done, like I can't believe I have been dressing myself, for practically my whole life. But I will still remain the same down to earth guy.

   Oh and I would get my eyes fixed, So I don't have to mess with contacts or glasses anymore. And my teeth. I would get them straightened and whitened. And my nose has always been a bit largish, I would just get that shaped a little. And new hair. And a chin implant. But I would still be the same old me. Except for the pec and buttocks implants. But other than that, just the same old modest me.
   And I would carve my name in the moon with a gigantic laser. In a nice tasteful font, mind you. Nothing too garish. More subtle, than anything. It would just read "FLIP" in a nice Papyrus or possibly Comic Sans. 'Cause I am a man of the people, if nothing else.

   And I would surely need weapons to protect my stuff. A TOW missile system would be the ideal home security system. I would form my own militia. I think the time is right to hire some of my friends from my Marine Corps. They would be a crack squad of trained killers who enforce my word as law, authorities be damned. But wielding supreme power over my minions wouldn't really mean I had changed any.
   And I would buy the Louvre and have it relocated to my basement, so I could look at that fancy pants art whenever I wanted to, without having to travel all the way to France. And the same goes for that leaning Pisa Tower and the Greek ruins and Hawaii. I could just go down to my basement and see all the wonders the world has to offer. Then I wouldn't have to travel, and my life would essentially be the same as it is now. I would just be me, plain old ordinary Flip.

   No. I don't think money would change me one little bit.