Unless you are into interpretative dance, and you like to dance in your tighty whiteys and you are at a wedding for your cousin twice removed at the local country club. Then you should just act like people, and possibly the authorities, are watching.
Although... There is a thing called the Stockholm Syndrome, so if you keep them hostage long enough, they could come to sympathize with your plight and become emotionally invested in your future and fall in love with you, (your chances are better if you have some grand sounding mission statement), and that could work out also. I'm just sayin'. And if not you could collect a ransom for them and then you would be rich and infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex and you could retire to a tropical paradise with a sexy gold digger, and that's nearly as good.
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| This picture doesn't go with the text, but I can't resist giving some love to my favorite vampire movie. |
Until you love the person in the mirror, you can never truly love anybody else.
This is terrible advice for Vampires; they don't have reflections. If you are a vampire you should just forgo the whole mirror thing and just love people. Except for the people you eat. You probably shouldn't love them. That would be awkward. It would be like when I say I love beer, but my beer had emotions and reciprocated my feelings of affection and then I ripped off it's head and drained it's lifeblood. I would feel weird after that. Also, in this modern age you probably don't really need mirrors, you could just watch yourself on streaming video and that's almost as good. The point is, you should just love yourself. And others. Unless you plan on consuming them.
If you are trying to do something unbelievably complex like building a time machine or curing cancer or solving pi to infinity, this is an admiral quote. If not, you have definitely failed... BIG TIME. Perhaps it's just not meant to be for you. You should just give up. I mean, ten thousand times?! Wow! That is a lot of failing. You are just a big bundle of fail. They will probably name a church after you in the future; Our Lad Of Perpetual Failure. Face it: you suck. Of all the people who have lived and failed in the entirety of human history, you are the fail-iest. Even a really big failure, will have failed; what like a thousand times? Two thousand maybe? Three thousand tops. But ten thousand? Holy crap! I mean what the hell were you thinking?! Have you always been this bad at stuff? You should just go to your local hospital and volunteer to be put in a medical coma, to stop you from failing anymore. (Providing you could even find it, Mr Failey.)
Be sure to join us next time, when we delve into the Road Less Travelled. Spoiler Alert: two words; pungi pits.
