I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Monday, June 27, 2011

Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over?

Rejected scene from the Lifetime original movie, "Women Are From The Police Academy, Men Are From The State Penn."


A police motorcycle is pulling over an older muscle car. The car is in decent condition and the convertible top is down.

WHOOOOOOOoooooooo - The siren tails off as the car pulls over.

The cop turns off and then gets off of the motorcycle.
Close-up on the boots as the officer walks to the drivers side of the car.
Close-up on the helmet of the officer as gloved hands reach up and remove it, and...
An unbelievable amount of blond hair spills out of the helmet, which is then given the full Farrah Faucet hair shake/tousle treatment. You can now tell that the cop is an attractive female, wearing perhaps a tighter than necessary, uniform. The man in the car looks up at the female police officer in a bored yet still rebellious manner.

Do you know why I pulled you over?
Tax evasion.
Tax evasion. That's what usually trips people up. That's how they got Capone, Wesley Snipes, Judas, and JFK.
Partially right, but no.
Selling rabid pit-bulls to blind people as guide dogs?
Is that why you pulled me over?
No. You did that?
(shamefacedly) No. (normal again) Is it because I used to serial murder clowns?
Never for that.
Is it because I used the Sisters of Everlasting Temperance Orphanage and Organic Garden as a front for my drug selling operation?
Is it because...(he counts things off on his fingers going over a list silently) ...I pee'ed in the public pool.
Everybody does that.
From the diving board.
Ew. No.
'Cause, I am a philandering polygamist?
I don't put the toilet seat down.
(starts to pull out her gun, reconsiders, puts it back; through gritted teeth says) NO.
I don't dry clean only? I tear the tags off my mattresses?
Hmmh, Oh I know. Is it because I just robbed a bank and then had a running gun battle with the SWAT team and I was texting at the same time and I accidentally ran over a marching band during a parade and I didn't use my signal when I turned and I was speeding and I caused 42 major accidents and don't have insurance and I'm a middle aged white guy and I'm listening to hardcore gangsta rap?
At first, yes. But then I got a look at you, and I could tell that you're a complex troubled man with clear blue eyes and a cleft in his chin, and that the right woman could help you turn your life around.
What makes you think you can save me?
(huskily, she flips her hair and answers) I went to Catholic School.

and CUT.

I can't believe this scene didn't get filmed. Damn TV producers just don't know quality when they see it.