I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Mr. Topper Kills Himself Way Better Than That Other Guy.

Dear Mr. Topper, did you hear about the guy who accidentally shot himself with a nail gun, decided it hurt so bad that he wanted to die and shot himself another 15 times in the head... and lived?!
  -  J. Meares

That's nothing. One time I was building custom house from some rich hollywood type, I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with "Steve-in Freel-burg". The only tools I had were a hammer, a chisel and a piece of sandpaper. As I was re-creating the famous miracle stairs of the Loretto Chapel with handmade mortise and tenon joints, I accidentally biscuit jointed my ear to the wall. OW. It really hurt, I had to put myself out of my misery.
     But, I didn't even have any nails, and I didn't want to mash my brains all over the place. So I pulled out my chisel and carved a regulation 16 penny nail out of scrap lumber. Then I placed the nail in the back of the my skull where the Medulla Oblongata is, (I studied brain surgery for a while - then decided I didn't want to work indoors) and expertly killed myself by driving a nail straight through my head with a single blow.
     I got better.