I consolidated the stories about Fred.

HILL BLOCKS VIEW IS DEAD.

...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Mr. Topper Kills Himself Way Better Than That Other Guy.


ASK MR. TOPPER
Dear Mr. Topper, did you hear about the guy who accidentally shot himself with a nail gun, decided it hurt so bad that he wanted to die and shot himself another 15 times in the head... and lived?!
  -  J. Meares

That's nothing. One time I was building custom house from some rich hollywood type, I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with "Steve-in Freel-burg". The only tools I had were a hammer, a chisel and a piece of sandpaper. As I was re-creating the famous miracle stairs of the Loretto Chapel with handmade mortise and tenon joints, I accidentally biscuit jointed my ear to the wall. OW. It really hurt, I had to put myself out of my misery.
     But, I didn't even have any nails, and I didn't want to mash my brains all over the place. So I pulled out my chisel and carved a regulation 16 penny nail out of scrap lumber. Then I placed the nail in the back of the my skull where the Medulla Oblongata is, (I studied brain surgery for a while - then decided I didn't want to work indoors) and expertly killed myself by driving a nail straight through my head with a single blow.
     I got better.