Is That A Twinkle In Your Eye, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

The first thing people tell me when they meet me for the first time is, "Wow, you really have a sparkle in your eye!" Well, not the first thing. The first thing is usually, "Your fly is down," or "Jeez, Cyrano de Bergerac has nothing on you," or "Is that Eau de vomit you're wearing?" But the sparkle thing usually comes up at some point.

   But it wasn't always that way. It used to be that people would avoid me on account of my cold dead eyes. (And possibly the vomit smell thing.) But then I discovered Super Sparkle Eye Polish, NOW WITH 50% MORE GLITTER. With the advent of this miracle product, the world of sparkling eyes is no longer limited to mythical forest elves, Icelandic rock stars and vacant beauty pageant contestants.

   Now you can have that certain twinkle in your eye. Just apply a small dab of Super Sparkle Eye Polish to the tip of your finger and rub it gently over your eager eyeball. In just a few short days after the burning subsides, you simply re-apply the gel, and after the burning subsides again, you'll notice that you can't see a thing. That should subside... in a few months. Repeat the process several more times and you will possibly notice a marked improvement in the sparkle-ocity of your peepers. The compliments will likely pour in. And you most probably won't be blind for life.