I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Saturday, August 4, 2012

There Is Nothing New Under The Movie Marquee.

Hollywood is turning more and more to tried and true titles and franchises. Batman, Spiderman, and James Bond have all been rebooted. Old Movies and beloved TV shows are getting the modern big screen treatment. DC, Marvel and Hasbro are searching their catalogs for some untapped gold. With that in mind I have several ideas I would like to submit to the Hollywood powers that be.
    Fatal Attraction 2 A fresh and interesting departure from the original. In this movie a married man cheats on his attractive wife with a less attractive crazy woman who isn't happy to be ignored when the affair ends. In the climactic scene the crazy woman kills and boils the family's pet Llama.

  Chess: The Movie! A cerebral, (slow, plodding) black and white, period piece with lots of highfalutin accents, funny hats, and inexplicable idiosyncratic movements. Murray Head performs One Night In Bangkok at least fifteen times.

   Super Strong Lad An obscure superhero from the golden age of comics. Little Percival Campbell is struck by lightning at summer camp and turned into Super Strong Lad, a mighty hero imbued with the uncanny ability to open any lid, no matter how stuck on it is. In the 1950's Super Strong Lad opened bottles for the president, random housewives and in a display of non-PC misogyny, Wonder Woman. In this updated version Super Strong Lad must open a secret alien jar before the world is destroyed by beautiful but devious Femartians. But first he must face his kryptonite, the common tin can.

    Public Defender Squirrel An unpublished John Grisham novel, about the adventures of Samuel, the plucky squirrel from the wrong side of the forest who defends small helpless rodents from the clutches of the villainous Owl and his evil chicken henchmen. Written when John was only twelve. Screenplay by a gangly eight year old David Mamet and polished by an as yet unborn Quentin Tarantino.

   Ninja Knives of Death! A reboot of the classic 1981 infomercial for Ginsu Knives by Ronco. In this version our intrepid protagonist hero, Hiro Protagonist, is attacked by ninja assassins wielding tin cans, tennis shoes, and even tomatoes. All that stands between Hiro and certain grisly death, is the best set of never dull, made in America, stainless steel, machine forged, Ninja killin' knives that can be purchased for only two easy payments of $19.99.

   The Scrabble Players Dictionary This bestseller gets the full Michael Bay/3-D/IMAX/Disney Digital/ILM/Pixar/explosions galore/Joss Whedon/Comic Con/special effect driven/action adventure rom-com buddy pic/big budget work-up that is has always deserved. Starring Helen Mirren, Dame Judy Dench, Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson, and Bowser from Sha Na Na.