I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Thursday, December 13, 2012

What Do You Think I Am, Some Kinda Fairy?

Oh my goodness. Do you need some help?
Why? Because I'm a fairy. Or, just because I'm old?
Uh... no.
You patronizing me, you little sissy?
No sir, I uh... it just seems that your struggling with that a little.
You just think I'm some kinda old pansy don't you son? Some weak ass old flamer that can't handle a little bit of weight.

I didn't think that at all.
You're just going to come down here and and help the old feeb. You with your fancy pants, and yo...
They're just Dockers.
They're not fancy. They're just Dockers, Levi's makes 'em. I think.
You with your fancy pants and your ridiculous shoes.
They're just shoes.
Fairy shoes.
Might as well be wearing high heels, son.
Whatever, you old kook, I'm leaving.
To your boyfriend? You Pooftah.
Listen you jerk of an old man, I just wondered if you needed help. You obviously don't. So just lay there under that fridge and be hateful.
Oh, I suppose I'm getting crushed by a fridge because I'm a fairy?
No. Because it's crushing you.
Maybe I'm just taking a nap.
Under a fridge?! You're not even sleeping.
I might be.
You aren't. What is your problem?!
I don't have a problem, you pansy.
I would say you have tons of problems. The least of which is the fridge that is crushing you.
Oh, is that your professional shrink opinion, Dr. Pansy Pants?
You're a pathetic a*hole.
An A*HOLE?! You can't even say ass? THAT is pathetic. You are an even bigger girl than you appear to be.
I'm leaving.
Can't handle the heat can you?
The heat?
The fridge heat.
Fridges are famously not hot, jerk face.
Ooh, aren't you smart? Little Miss Nerdy-kins.
Are you actually trying to bully me while you're being crushed?
I'm not a bully. You dork.
Why don't you just intimidate that fridge off of yourself? Bully.
I tried. It didn't respond.
Maybe you weren't mean enough. Did you question it's sexuality or insult it's mother?
Yes. It didn't even budge.
You're a sad, sad, man. Here, let me push this off of you. 
Ugh. Thanks, Geek-a-rella.
You ungrateful ball of hate. Goodbye.
Wait. Let me at least buy you a drink.
No thanks. The last thing in the world I would do, is spend another second with you.
C'mon. There's a bar just around the corner.
No, I have to go to... somewhere. Somewhere that isn't here.
Be a man, you little sissy.
Wait. So if you ever change your mind, the bar is called "The Manhole" and I'm almost always there.
Isn't that a gay bar?
You've been using gay slurs on me this whole time.
So? Oh, I get it. Now you think I'm all gay, just because I'm all gay?!

Hey, come back! Why are you running away! Come back here, you pansy!

After the urging of hundreds of my readers, and by hundreds I mean tens, and by tens I mean literally that one guy, I will submit this to Dude Writes. http://dudewrite.blogspot.com/