I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

You Like Me. You Really, Sorta, Kinda, Maybe A Little Bit, Possibly, In A Small Way, Like Me.

Aubree at Akashic Aisles: The Basement View; (http://akashicwindow.blogspot.com) nominated me for a Leibster Award. (Excuse me while I go look up akashic... Ooh, it's Sanskrit for aether. Cool. I will definitely check out your blog now.) Anyway, Aubree nominated me for the Leibster Award, where I am three for three, three nominations, three years, three wins. Or maybe only two, I get confused. I may not get be getting paid, but at least awards make it all worth it. Unless you want to pay me, then I'll give back my awards, and go back to using the mantle as a place to put pictures of my kids, the little felonious ruffians. 
   The rules of winning are, you have to be nominated. Check. You have to nominate others, and you have to answer questions from your nominee-er... and you also have to come up with questions of your own? Damn. No, it's as easy as pie. But, more like buying a pie, not like making one, 'cause that is way harder, unless of course it's a pie where you just pour the pudding mix into the pre-made pie crust, that's sorta easy. Just like this.

1.) Do you consider yourself to be super-duper fly? Sorta. I'm a self deprecating, narcissist. Half the time I can't believe I'm not the King of the internet, and half the time I can't believe I managed to make it through the day without being exposed as a fraud. Inside I'm just an insecure little girl. But less manly. And somehow still pretty awesome, like Perry Farrell.

2.) What is your favorite reality show? I used to watch the first couple weeks of "Idol", and I've seen a couple episodes of "Survivor" over the years, and I'll watch "Chopped" if it's on, (just so you know, it's a misnomer, nobody ever loses body parts like the title suggests,) but I really like my shows to be scripted, I love good writing. Especially on a funny sitcom. That being said, I love sports, which are the original reality shows, so I guess Sports would be my answer. 

3.) Do you fear that the Apocalypse or Armageddon will occur in your lifetime? Like the Zombie Apocalypse? If it does I'll probably end up being a zombie. But, I'll be the best Zombie I can be. Just in case, I am going to have a steak and see if my wife wants to fool around on the 20th.

4.) What is one of your top three favorite quotes of all time?

1) She turned me into a newt. I got better. -Monty Python
2) I'm picking out a thermos for you. -Steve Martin
3) ...and that's when I developed my drinking problem. -Airplane
4) I do not think that word means what you think it means. -Inigo Montoya
5) It is also one hell of a thing to get hit with in the small of the back. -Douglas Adams
...and to explain my poor counting ability, I leave you with:
6) then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it. -Monty Python

5.) Who is your Favorite writer? Douglas Adams. And The Monty Python crew. Steve Martin. Dave Barry. Tolkein. Card. King. William Goldman. Greg Garcia. 

6.) Can you recite any movie in its entirety, and if so, which one? The Holy Grail. The Jerk. Airplane. Not correctly of course, which really pisses off the Nerd-Nazi's. Who demand that you are exact, or they freak out and start hyperventilating. It's kinda fun really. Try it. Say something like "It's merely a flesh wound", and the nearest nerd will have a seizure of righteous indignation that you dared misquote a line. 

7.) What one person has most influenced your life thus far? I guess my Grandma. She was loving and kind... and funny. When I asked her where I came from, she told me "a crow crapped you on the fence, and the sun hatched you." When she needed a haircut she said, "I either need a haircut or a dog collar." The first time I watched Monty Python was at her house, she was awesome.

8.) What is your favorite childhood memory? Walking the mile and a half to my grandma's trailer so I could watch saturday morning cartoons. The good ones, like the original Looney Tunes, Laff-A-Lympics and Scooby-Doo. (OK, I know Scooby-Doo sucks in retrospect, but at the time it seemed so awesome!) 

9.) Why do you blog? I'm just waiting for my big break. One day some comedic writer is going to stumble across my blog (I'm talking to you Greg Garcia) be amazed at my talent and hire me. In the meantime, I'm trying to find my comedic voice. (So far my comedic voice is a gay nasally Bobcat.) 

10.) What is the most terrifying thing to ever happen to you? I remember that one time that I caught on fire and I thought I was going to die.  That was pretty scary. Yeah, that's probably the one.

And finally, number 11) Do you wipe front to back or back to front? yes.

Now to nominate people. First the triumvirate of evil. Or Axis of Awful. Or the three consistently funny blogs that I read that also almost always comment on my stuff. You guys are great, but don't feel obligated to participate. 




http://www.abeerfortheshower.com The new guys to me. (I know where have I been?) And I think they are beyond small awards like this.

http://stuffsammisays.blogspot.com I have always liked Kevin and his writing, back since The Coffee Shop days.

Also, also. I am a fan of Shay, who doesn't need another Leibster. Workingdan who doesn't like awards. The crew at Sinquiry. Violet and Drone who rarely post anymore. Petite and Cowgirl who never post anymore. My cousin Jonathon at Troy Town who is a talented writer and also Josh Meares who is incredibly intelligent and spiritually authentic.

I HAVE TO COME UP WITH QUESTIONS NOW? Are you sure this an award?

What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

Boobs. What's not to love?

If you had a time machine, and you could have dinner with anybody in history, would you wake me up last Tuesday so I won't be late anymore?

If you live in a glass house, would you take up curling?

Who is your favorite Vlad?

Juggling cats: Healthy animal bonding or animal cruelty? 

Does this look infected to you?

Is it OK for a man to cry? What if he just lost a limb? But then what if he just never shut-up about it? OK, OK, we know you lost a limb. Get over it, that was like 90 minutes ago. Fricking baby. Don't you hate that?

What color banana hammock do you prefer? Corral, watermelon or a peachish pink?

The Utah Jazz?

Shouldn't Olivia Newton John just officially change her name to Olivia Neutron Bomb?