I didn't realize that the end was upon us, even as it happened. I blithely marched over the precipice. I participated in the great armageddon. I encouraged others to join. I indoctrinated my children. I swallowed the propaganda, hook line and sinker.
And things were great… at first. My children were entertained. I was thrilled, they weren't watching TV or playing video games. Sure it was a little pricey, but nothing too bad. And then things took a turn for the painful. They started to bite. And it seems that they were multiplying. Where there was once several big ones there was now a dozen tiny ones. And they have extremely sharp teeth. Soon the kids demanded more, and now I can barely afford my mortgage.
My house is now a war zone. It's no longer safe. They have infested my bed, my shower, the fridge, the car. It's impossible to do laundry without finding a handful, and they are particularly fond of carpet. Where they hide and inflict maximum damage.
All day long, I pick up the blasted things. From sunup to sunset, I pluck them from their hiding places. How in the name of God, can they replicate so fast? Within an arms reach at any point, I could literally find dozens. They pour out of the cracks in the couch, they are in my pockets, they are taking over. I know it's only a matter of time before I lose the battle and and they are the only things left.
It's too late for me, but you can save yourself. Don't believe that everything is awesome. It isn't awesome. The Lego Movie is a gateway. An evil, evil gateway. And Legos aren't colorful children's playthings. They are demons from the very pits of hell, and are taking over the world, one vile block at a time.
