So if I have my facts straight, this years contest comes down to a choice between Hitler or Stalin. The diabolically evil super rich who want to crush us, or the lazy evil bastards who want to steal all of our stuff. The lefties who allow the Mexicans to take our primo dishwashing jobs or the righties who send our awesome telemarketing jobs to India. EVERYBODY is trying to take my retirement fund. (Joke's on them, I don't have one.) Oddly enough, certain TV channels and websites say the exact same things about the other side of the aisle. Amazingly, they both hate freedom and the constitution. And holy crap, are they stupid, and patronizing, and they control the press, and are delusional, and, and, and...
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| I always thought Hitler was Hitler, and Stalin was Stalin. |
So, I'm looking for alternatives to the Republicans and the Democrats. If only I was in Europe. In Europe there is some real variety. From the right-iest Right to the left-iest Left, and every combination in between. My personal favorite is England's the Very Silly Party, but they are on some sort of watch list, because apparently their ballot is tattooed on an endangered haddock, and PETA (that hallowed organization, that arbiter of all things right and wrong) has managed to get the Very Silly Party banned. This through the use of a very austere and serious public awareness campaign involving naked vegetarians and sexual innuendo.
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| How people who argue politics appear to me. |
And If I vote for an existing third party, my friends on Facebook assure me, I am wasting my vote, and I might as well be spitting on the grave of Abraham Lincoln, because that is how much voting for third parties shows that you hate America. I don't want to spit on Lincoln. I don't want to vote for Stalin. Or Hitler. These choices are all bad. I am left with one final choice.
I'm starting my own political party.
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| Apathy Party, just like Anarchists but with less throwing stuff through windows. And a more sustainable plan. |
Join my party. Or don't.
I don't care. Vote. Or don't.
I don't care. Lecture me about what an idiot I am.
I don't care. Tell me how much the other guy is going to ruin the nation.
I don't care. Because at the
Apathy Party, our motto is "M'eh, I don't care." Next year I am considering a joint ticket with my buddy, who founded the Ignorance Party. Our campaign will be:
Ignorance and Apathy, "We don't know, we don't care."
