I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Friday, March 9, 2012

Not Many People Realize How Many Scientists James Bond Went Through Before Q.

Q has been made famous in the James Bond movies and books, he is well known for creating super-secret spy weapons. What isn't common knowledge is that there was a string of abject failures before reaching Q. Sixteen to be exact (A-P). Here are some of the the lowlights of British Secret Service scientist-dom.

A- The first, but not certainly not the brightest, was removed after his inventions caused the deaths of several agents. Namely the knife that was cleverly disguised as a pistol. Which led to some unfortunate deaths where the agents unknowingly brought a knife to a gunfight. (Never a good idea.)

B- Considering B is the first letter in booze, beer and bourbon, perhaps it is no coincidence that B's main contribution were several clever flasks. Allowing the agent to imbibe at virtually any event, there was the pencil flask, the shoe flask, the belt flask, the gun flask (again, a problem), and the flask flask - a small flask not quite so ingeniously concealed in a larger flask. It wasn't a complete surprise when B died of liver failure outside of a local pub.

C- Who created a small atomic weapon cleverly disguised as cufflinks. Unfortunately for the 00-agent who wore them, there was no escape delay and the agent was incinerated along with the the evil mastermind, his evil lair, his evil henchman and a good chunk of a positively sinister pacific atoll.

G- Seemed actually more concerned with making the agents look "sharp" and "sassy"and less concerned with gadgetry. He instituted a work-out program (which he spent a good time in the gym personally overseeing), and spent most of the spy gear budget on designer clothes. He later relocated to Germany and opened an all-male gymnasium with his "roommate" Klaus.

J- Replaced the smoke screen on the Astin Martin with old lady perfume, he claimed it was the most repellent smell known to man. The only problem is it didn't actually deter any bad guys, and made the agents easy to track because the smell was impossible to get out of their clothes.

K-Traded the Walther PPK's for tomes of 16th century French poetry. The pen is mightier than the sword he claimed. Which while might be accurate, ruminations of love, and loss, and the loss of love, and losing that loving feeling, is terribly ineffective when it comes to fighting evil henchmen and their knife wielding chimpanzee sidekicks.

L- Thought that pharmaceutical mind altering drugs were the ultimate weapon, and as a result most of his inventions involved glow sticks and trippy music. He often sent his agents out into the field with prosthetic limbs that made their arms seem impossibly long and their hands appear oversized. He claimed this would cause the enemy agents to have a meltdown.

O- Was one of the few females who served as head scientist. She was a brilliant inventor who was overqualified for the position. Unfortunately she had round heels and daddy issues. Consequently she was easily seduced by the agents and not many inventions were produced during this particular period of time.

James Bond was positively giddy when Q arrived on the scene. He was a clever inventor and scientist,  plus was a brilliant composer who came up with a catchy little theme song for James. And the rest is history.