OK, gentle-readers it's that time of the year where we look back on what complete losers we were this year and pledge to be less so in the coming year. And, if you have a blog it is expected, NAY contractually demanded, that you start the year with a post on resolutions. So here we go.
First off this year, I vow to try and be a better husband. I will be more understanding and supportive. I will help around the house more. I will help get the house organized and keep it clean. I will try not to yell at the kids so much, find more constructive ways to communicate. I will try to be a better role model to my children in their spiritual walk, if I could just find my bible,
On the personal front I will try and take better care of myself. I want to look more like the "after" version of a P-90X commercial and less like an "after" picture of a Vietnam POW. I will actually drink more water; maybe even an entire glass a day or something. I will continue to write, and to get better. I will post consistently. I would like to get the Baby is a Monster book to press. (Even if it is only self published.) And, get Bucket Boy and the Monkey Heads mostly complete. Also, try to get something in an adult book or script started. (Not that kind of adult, perv.) I will stop stealing guard dogs from auto salvage yards and giving them to guide dog organizations. I will finish the laundry room/pantry, organize the garage, and at least get started on the master bath. I will finish that time machine I've been working on. (Update from the future: It's complete.) I will be a better employee, and hopefully have another year of not lighting myself on fire. Also, I will stop embezzling huge amounts of cash. No more drinking blood-wine out of the skulls of my vanquished enemies. I will quit smoking. (Crack.) I will play more board games with my children, and less head games. (Don't be such a loser, you freak!) As rewarding as it is, I won't start any more cults, take their money and virgins and go down to Central America and have them drink Kool-Aid with a bad aftertaste. I really should try and brush my teeth twice a day and not just once. I will give up my seat as the head of the Illuminati and finally allow the Middle East to attain peace. (I've been mucking that up for years.) I will not drink as much beer. (Listerine is another story.) No more sacking and pillaging the coast of Europe. Move On and the Tea Party aren't as fun as I thought they would be, this year I promise not to start any more extremist political organizations. No more police chases, shoot outs, bomb threats or spitting on the sidewalk. This year, (the year of our Lord, 2011) I will try an be a better person, cut back on my super villiany and at least curb my skullduggery. Have a safe and blessed year. Except you; I've got my eye on you.
