I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Carny Matchmaker.

I think the key to making money, is to do something nice for somebody else. And last time I was at the carnival I noticed that all the carnival workers (or carnies, for short) were ogling the young ladies on the midway. I thought, Oh those poor guys, they're so lonely. They don't even realize that most of those girls are under age. I decided right then that I would help them out, and start a carny dating site. I thought I might even make a little money.

   The first thing I needed to do was to create profiles along with pictures. That proved a little more difficult than you would think. Apparently every carny was named Ronnie Van Zant. In the end the carnies were identified by numbers that they held up in front of their chests while their pictures were taken. Something they all seemed uncommonly comfortable with.

   Next I needed to find women for the men to date. I explained to the men that they couldn't date trashy high school girls, no matter how willing the girls were. And then I explained it again. And then I had the local constabulary explain it. Evidently the threat of a "dime" will convince even the most stubborn man. In desperation I linked the carny profiles to that of the local women's prison and the Dollar Store customer mailing list. This produced some heartwarming results; fourteen conjugal visits, six quickie weddings, and also three couples eloped... unfortunately one of them was a prisoner. (They're still on the lam.)

   Sadly, I had to shut down the endeavor when I tried to cash the carnies membership dues. Everyone of them bounced. Except the ones that were actually coupons for free corn dogs and cotton candy, and those don't pay the bills. The carnival was gone when I went to try and collect the next day. Who knew that carnies were so unreliable and transitory?