I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Jello Biafra Biographer.

I think the key to making money, is to write an unauthorized biography about a famous person. Either it will sell and you will be a famous author, or perhaps the biographee will pay you not to publish your tale. Not exactly blackmail. I looked through the Big List of Celebrities and picked Jello Biafra, the only celebrity in the world Kitty Kelly hasn't written a book about.

   You probably know Jello Biafra was the lead singer from the eighties punk band The Dead Kennedys. You may even know that he is very active in the Green Party political movement. What you may not realize is that Jello's real name is Tangleroot Beetlebum and he is a magical tree fairy. From the future. He is actually the inspiration for the movie The Terminator. Which is really about a Tree Fairy who came to kill the head of the Keebler corporation, for crimes against tree fairy-dom.

   Jello is also the creator of Nickelodeon's Spongebob Squarepants. He does all the artwork and voice work. Spongebob is actually a fictionalized account of Jello's life in future fairyland. Since settling in our time Jello has been busy making sure his genetic legacy lives on, by dating and impregnating at least half of the starlets in Hollywood.
   When not promoting the Green Agenda, Jello likes to raise and hunt yuppies at his ranch in Cambodia, something he brazenly brags about in his punk anthem "Holiday in Cambodia". Jello has a terrible debilitating fear of aliens. However Jello wears tinfoil underwear as opposed to a tinfoil hat because Tree Fairies brains are in their crotch.

   I enclosed all these facts in the book I wrote about Jello, which I titled It Must Be Jello Cause Jam Doesn't Slam Dance Like That. Nobody bought it. Jello Biafra didn't even bother to give me a cease and desist letter. He didn't deny it either. Are those the actions of an artist who has had a fictitious libelous book written about him? Or the actions of a crazed Tree Fairy? You decide.