I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Beekeeping Should Be Sweet.

Honey is one of the best things in the entire world. I love to smear it on toast, or stir a tablespoon of it into a cup of tea. But the price of honey these days has just gotten ridiculous. Those fat cat beekeepers are just sitting back and getting rich off of my sweet tooth. But no more. Instead, I'm going to raise my own bees. I can have all the honey I want, and sell what's left over. It's a win/win situation.
    If an ant can lift one hundred times his weight, a bee can probably make a hundred times his weight in honey everyday. That's probably about a cup. So fifty bees should about cover my daily use. And then I just need another fifty bees so I can have some liquid gold to sell. 
   I set out to the park with a glass jar, and had an easy time catching the first bee. I just scooped him up and closed the lid. But the second proved more difficult. Every time I opened the jar to catch the second, the first flew out. I'm gonna need more jars. 
   After several weeks, I finally had my hundred bees, in a hundred jars. I want my bees to be free range so I set them up in my spare bedroom and took the lids off of the jars. The bees buzzed about, exploring their new territory. I gave them some empty honey bottles to fill and sat back and waited. 
   Nothing. Not one drop on honey. Lazy damn ungrateful bees. I spent all this time, rescuing them from the streets and giving them a nice roof over their tiny heads, and this is how they repay… Wait a minute. Maybe they're not like chickens, maybe they're like cows. They're not gonna just fill up the bottles themselves, I'm gonna have to milk them. Silly me.