I am writing to demand a full refund of my $1000. I recently watched the video of my Zero Gravity Vacation and it confirmed my suspicions that I had been duped. I knew the price was too good to be true, but the draw of space overcame my good sense.
When I returned from my journey I was ecstatic, but as I came off of my euphoria I began to doubt my memories. Why you actually sent a video that exposes your fraud is beyond me. I now know without a shadow of a doubt that I did not in fact go to space, but that I was drugged and the subject of a crude charade.
The Tang you served me when I arrived at your "camp," was undoubtedly laced with some form of hallucinogenic, most likely LSD, and the events that transpired thereafter were choreographed to deceive. Here are the major infractions, as I see them.
• I now see that my spacesuit was in fact tinfoil, and the helmet was a regular cardboard box, with eye slits cut in it.
• The space ship was a white Pontiac Montana with USA painted on the side. You simply drove me around your neighborhood, while listening to Space Oddity.
• The "Hot Alien Babe" I was getting cozy with, was in fact some sketchy meth head painted green, with few teeth, wearing antennae, in a silver bathing suit. (I should've known this one was too good to be true.)
• The space walk was a particularly egregious offense, you tied me to some weather balloons and launched me into the atmosphere. How is that safe?
In conclusion, please return the full amount I paid for this bogus adventure, or I will be forced to turn you in. Also, do you know if the green woman is currently dating anyone right now? If she isn't, would you please give her my phone number?