I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Before And After Body Double.

I still fit into my Marine Corps uniforms from almost twenty years ago. I basically have the same body I've had since high school. (Unfortunately that body got me voted "most likely to actually be a 14 year old girl in disguise," by my classmates.) I came up with a plan to make my scrawny body work for me.
   Before and after pictures are a staple of both the weight loss and body building industries. They feature pictures of clients before they use the program and then their wonderfully transformed bodies from afterwards. But the dirty little secret of the industry is, they charge WAY too much, and more to my point, sometimes the before and after pictures aren't that different.
   That's where I step in. If you needed a guy to stand inside a pair of fat pants, after some supposed miracle weight loss, but really the guy only lost three pounds and that was mostly from the food poisoning he caught while indulging at the local all you can eat taco and sushi bar, I'm your guy. Or if you need a guy to stand there looking skinny and nerdy in the before picture of one the late night infomercial muscle building programs, so the bruiser that usually just looks more tanned and oiled up in his before and after picture, actually looks transformed, I'm the guy.
   My plan would have worked too. If it wasn't for my unfortunate birthmark. I was born covered from wrist to ankle in a Yakuza style tattoo. Damn you genetics.