I consolidated the stories about Fred.


...long live, Hill Blocks View. I miss writing. But the thought of one more round of "welcome backs", or obsessing over stats, or thinking of the clever response to a comment, or the obligation to read everyone else's blog... not so much. So I'll try and write. No pressure. If you feel the need to respond, you can email me. I like email. flipaul@yahoo.com

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Hurricane Preparedness Expert.

*flip is currently chronicling his attempts to get rich. Oddly enough, flip's exploits are being recounted alphabetically. (That's A-Z, for the uninitiated.) flip is also referring to himself in the third person. ' Cause flip's just cool like that. 

I like to be prepared, but not everybody does. If I play my cards right, I can turn that to my financial gain. I will help people of my community prepare for the upcoming Hurricane season. For a small, and by small I mean reasonable, and by reasonable I mean, moderately large fee, I will help them with the necessary steps to hurricane survival. I will teach them to shutter and board up their windows, how to moor their boats properly, how to avoid basement flooding and other essentials. There will be discussions on the possibility of jacking houses up and placing them on stilts, or even moving them above high tide. I will conduct seminars on evacuation routes and sheltering at the local Y. I'll make millions.

   Not one person signed up for my service! Not even when I cut the price, to a reasonable $10,000. And then to $500. And then $19.99. Or when I offered to do it for a pack of gum and a ride to the bus depot. Turns out hurricane preparation isn't at all popular in extremely landlocked desert states that happen to be at 5000 feet of elevation, with little to no water. I tried to salvage the sale by warning of other emergencies, but my stupid state doesn't have any forms of violent natural disasters; no tornadoes, earthquakes, ice storms or volcanos. (Although we did have a really nasty Texan infestation not too long ago, but we applied a cream and it cleared up nicely.) I swear; a guy just can't catch a break.